ARMAGEDDON POP

I have, dear readers, been in dire need of a little rest, hence the prolonged lull in the updates to this column, as well as the near total calm here on the website. A brief holiday is, I daresay, well-deserved, though I do understand that my absence may have been felt.

In the chess section, you shall now discover a new heading entitled "Tabya." I am entirely convinced it will amuse you for a time. Additionally, a fresh musical composition with the most apt title for these troubled times, "Is There Hope?", has been added for your listening pleasure.

Ah, indeed, we find ourselves in a world teeming with charlatans, bunglers, and scoundrels at the helm, orchestrating all manner of mischief and knavery. We are, alas, served up this fare and must, as it were, swallow it whole and let the meal silence our mouths...

Do you truly believe the Proprietor has the slightest care for chess? The only reason you find yourself here is that chess has apparently become "trendy." The masses fancy it, and they are enamoured with all the dashing YouTubers with their flashy videos. But are you so conceited and narrow-minded as to think you can entertain anyone with your archaic 19th-century chess?

Can you imagine a more distasteful reception upon one's arrival at the workplace? The identity of the speaker, I need not disclose to the discerning reader, but I hear whispers and murmurs emanating from his office—without a doubt, something untoward is afoot in there. I do not yet know what, but rest assured, I shall uncover it!

And pray, who is this "Marek," and the exceedingly dubious character "Ulli"? What, pray tell, is their business here? I am increasingly convinced that something very peculiar is occurring in this place. High culture, not least in the form of my eminent columns—including, naturally, this very one (an addition made with all due modesty)—is interspersed with the most bizarre and peculiar "musical" creations and biographies of philosophers. And then, in the midst of it all, a mathematical proof that no one requested! You must admit, there is something decidedly strange about this website.

A peculiar name, by the way, though all falls under the Proprietor's purview. Personally, I would have much preferred this site to be named "Steinitz's Chess Corner" or some such, where one might find a grand chess section complemented by a music department exclusively featuring classical works, though certainly not operettas, nota bene! Ah, dreams! But alas, it is the Proprietor who makes the decisions.

Ah, so it is once again time to pen a new column, and I must confess that I find myself rather indignant, to put it mildly. One sits down to watch and listen to Armageddon POP’s latest "creation" with the rather grandiose title "Demiurge ex machina," hoping for something along the lines of "A Tribute to John Bauer," but alas, no, and again no! Instead, we are subjected to a barrage of peculiarities that culminate in some sort of odd hysteria amongst the musicians. I have raised the matter on numerous occasions with the Proprietor and voiced my opinion that this is an utter disaster for our visitor numbers. He responded that he appreciated my enthusiasm and that I was doing a splendid job with my columns (as if there could be any doubt!), but he was adamant that this was all very modern and fashionable; he had, apparently, heard it from credible sources.

Yes, my friends, such is the plight of striving against an endless headwind, where none seem to grasp the true meaning of etiquette and finesse, and where none recognise that culture is synonymous with the refinement of our senses.

Incidentally, I endured a dreadful debacle in yesterday's match against my adversary. He insisted on pressing on with a rook down, and in a moment of sheer exhaustion, I left it en prise for his King. Shame upon me, shame upon Steinitz’s memory, but mark my words, revenge shall be sweet; the tinfoil hat will be discarded (hopefully along with that character, "the programmer"), and melodious tunes shall grace this website. I swear it, in the name of Steinitz!

2024-09-02

The programmer made an appearance today, and for once, he seemed rather animated:

— "I’ve now arranged for us to have a slideshow featuring our YouTube videos. You’ll need to put up a post about it, if you can tear yourself away from the chessboard. It’s the Proprietor who instructed me to tell you to do so. He said we must boost our visitor numbers."

— "I shall see what can be done," was my reply; I have no desire to give that jackanapes the impression that I am at his beck and call. No, that fellow is best kept on a tight leash!

Moreover, it must be said that, unlike others here on the website, I am toiling diligently on the expansive series, "The World Chess Champions," which shall grow considerably from its current size. I have managed to pen a little on Morphy, which I heartily recommend, and naturally, the material on the first World Champion in chess shall be exceedingly comprehensive. Morphy's games are eminently worth watching and quite instructive.

Here, at any rate, is the link to the YouTube slideshow—enjoy to your heart's content!

2024-09-01

I have yet to reconcile the matter of the tin foil hat. When I pointed this out to the Proprietor, he merely stated that he had taken a look and observed nothing untoward.

— "But you must wait a while before it appears! I am convinced that the programmer has defiled my column. By the by, he is an exceedingly odd fellow; why did we employ him in the first place?"

— "You know how it is, we are not exactly flush with funds, and he settled for nothing more than a roof over his head and a modest allowance. I daresay we got quite a bargain there."

— "Bargain, you say? Since he came aboard, a whole slew of dubious posts has materialised on the website, and the pièce de résistance, so to speak, was that accursed tin foil hat. I can scarcely sleep on account of it."

— "I doubt it’s him, and in any case, the number of visitors to the website—our sole real concern, after all—has not stagnated but rather has held steady at four visitors for some time. Perhaps we ought to initiate some sort of contest to engage the public in what we are endeavouring to do."

— "But what of the hat? I shall resign if it does not vanish from the site forthwith!"

— "I shall see what can be done. I will have a word with the programmer; he ought to be able to rectify the matter. But as I said, I saw nothing."

As you can glean from the conversation above, I have little hope for an imminent improvement, but he should be well aware that my threat to resign still stands!

2024-08-28

Someone mentioned to me, "It is not quite becoming that you go about fancying yourself to be Steinitz merely because you think it shall render you a better chess player."

Now, the truth of the matter is that there are indeed several factors that suggest it might be of some benefit, and that this phenomenon may well be explained by placebo or, perhaps, by some sort of electric radio waves traveling through time—there is so much that science cannot yet elucidate. I should like to recall here the testimonies from the very same Steinitz regarding contact with paranormal entities. He, of all people, should be well-versed in what it is (or was) like to be Steinitz.

Be that as it may, with each passing day, I feel increasingly like Steinitz, and I must say, it feels rather splendid! I shall take a firmer command over this so-called 'web site' and keep a vigilant eye to ensure that no more creations in the vein of "Killmonkey" are published here.

It is my considered opinion that music is meant to be beautiful, to transport one to the ether far beyond the trials of everyday life. At this juncture, I would like to put in a good word for young Axel—why, the lad seems quite agreeable, and he can certainly sing! That Bea lass sings quite charmingly as well—why can’t all music on this platform be equally sweet and melodious? No, instead, it must be all screams, groans, yowls, and noise; this, it seems, is the fashion of the times. "If a piece of music is not beautiful, it ought not to be played at all" should be the guiding principle for everyone.

This evening's games against "mcstorytaller" promise to be quite the spectacle; he did not take kindly to my playing the "Philidor". This, in itself, proves that the old ways are best. I suspect he spies on what I write and would not hesitate to use this information against me, so alas, I cannot divulge here how I intend to tackle the particular challenge of opening choices.

With this, I conclude my update on the state of the world, and whenever you wish to hear the voice of reason comforting you amidst the chaos of our times, you may always return here to wise Steinitz and hear his perspective on matters.

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2024-08-27

The programmer, to put it mildly and with the utmost candour, was thoroughly incensed. I cannot quite fathom the cause, though it seemed to involve that "accursed JavaScript" and what he so colourfully termed the "CSS inferno."

Moreover, he fancied himself a misunderstood genius, or so he claimed. The fellow appears to be most unsteady in temperament, I must say.

"At least I’ve fixed the slideshow," he snarled, "so you should damn well be satisfied with that! And the 'Save as JPG' function worked splendidly until it crashed the whole blasted thing, so you’ll just have to wait for that!"

"It was only a TEST! Do you grasp the meaning of that word? TEST! I also left the 'Save to JPG' text in place. There’s always some fool who will press it and then write a complaint about the whole affair. Bloody hell!"

"And I've now achieved full integration with the chess component, as you so imperatively requested."

One does wonder whether the poor chap might benefit from some rest. He seems utterly spent. A holiday on the French Riviera might be just the remedy he requires, or perhaps a stay at a charming spa? Was Karlsbad a spa town, or... hmmm?